Therapy for Audacious Humans
Live relationally. Love boldly.
Discover the Beauty In Yourself.
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship (romantic or otherwise), where you can see it going off the rails, and you’re certain that if the other person just changed, everything would be fine?
You may find yourself stuck in the same patterns, the same pitfalls over and over again – sometimes for months, or even years.
Maybe you’ve even ended relationships due to the disconnect, and moved on to another one only to find…
You’re STILL somehow running into the same issues – things like:
Living with unresolved conflict, having a hard time expressing yourself during moments of disagreement
Feeling like you’re living in an emotional vacuum, or that you’ve lost your sense of self
Believing you always need to guess what your partner is thinking, and worrying about what happens if you get it wrong
And at some point, you may start to notice that the common thread in all those relationships isn’t the partner you’re with…it’s you.
Now, as uncomfortable a realization as that is, it’s actually a REALLY GREAT one.
Know why?
Because you can’t change your partner…but you CAN change yourself.
And by doing so, you’ll automatically create a ripple effect.
Think of relationships like chemistry experiments.
If you keep putting the same two elements together, you can expect the same results.
But if you change even ONE element, the entire outcome shifts.
By pursuing and investing in your personal growth, you’re getting at both the source of the problem and the source of incredible potential: yourself.
You’ll no longer find yourself having the same arguments on repeat, or banging your head against the same wall over and over again, for one simple reason – YOU will be different.
You’ll be the pattern-breaker. The relationship-shifter.
The key to healthy, lasting relationships doesn’t start with ‘fixing’ the other person, it starts with you.
When a person says they’ve lost the spark/love/desire in their relationship...it tells me the deeper work that needs to be done is exploring how this person has lost themself along the way.
As Esther Perel says, “When you lose desire, you have lost a fundamental connection with yourself.”
A disconnection in a relationship can suggest one or both people have disconnected from themselves and that is what we get to work on in therapy – how to rediscover yourself.
This can include looking at the version of you today, pieces you may have lost along the way, and whether to invite those pieces back into your life or leave them behind and create something altogether new.
It’s an exciting journey to begin.
If you’re looking for a counselor who will:
Truly get to know you and won’t get scared off
Help you feel seen, heard, and respected while still calling you on your bullshit
Work beside you every step of the way to live in integrity with yourself
Then you’ve come to the right place.
Therapy gives you as an individual the maximum chance to look in the mirror and own your part in any challenging dynamic you wish to change.
It’s an incredibly brave choice.
“Truly the best marriage and family therapist I have ever been to! Finally, a therapist who is able to listen to BOTH my Husband and I.
Rebecca is extremely honest, understanding, empathetic, and compassionate.
Not to mention, Rebecca creates a very safe and trusting place for my Husband and I to communicate. For two people who are not usually very open to sharing their emotions/feelings, our conversations with Rebecca always seem effortless.”
- K. K.
The Developmental Model Approach to Individual & Couples Therapy
In my work as a couples therapist, I use my training as a Certified Gottman Therapist to give my clients tools and techniques backed by over 40 years of clinical research.
Another framework I’ve found to be helpful for not only couples but individuals as well is something called the Developmental Model (developed in the 1980s by Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson).
Unlike many traditional approaches to therapy, the Developmental Model offers a holistic view in challenging times and doesn’t focus on pathology, dysfunction, or doom and gloom.
Instead of seeing relational struggles as “failures” or as something to be ashamed of, the Developmental Model allows us to view difficult situations as an opportunity – a pull for personal growth and psychological wholeness.
The main goal of the Developmental Model is to help you gain insight into how you show up in relationships.
From there, I’ll give you tools to help break any ineffective patterns we’ve uncovered, and instead build new ones that allow you to experience greater joy and intimacy in your partnerships.
If that sounds like a good fit for you, shoot me a message and we’ll connect.
“In my experience Rebecca is a wonderfully genuine and compassionate therapist who offers great insight.
She is reliable and professional. Highly recommend!”
- K. P.
PS. If you want to get nerdy with me for a second, here we go…
As far as foundations go, the Developmental Model integrates three key theories: Attachment Theory, Neuroscience, and Differentiation.
Differentiation theory is all about understanding how to accept and celebrate that there are TWO DISTINCT PEOPLE in every relationship (well, every two-person relationship lol, no judgment here).
It works from the premise that inevitably, those two people may not always agree, hold the same views, or have the same approach. They are, after all, different people. That being the case, the focus isn’t on conflict avoidance, but on conflict resolution.
Differentiation theory allows you as an individual to learn ways to build close relationships while staying in integrity with yourself.
Attachment Theory is a powerful tool in helping anticipate problems that can arise in relationships, based on each person’s “attachment style”. The focus of Attachment Theory is helping you understand and unravel how early life experiences have shaped the way you engage with your partner, especially under emotional stress.
Knowing which style you relate to can provide insight into exactly which patterns may be coming up for you, and how to address them in healthy, relational ways.
Neuroscience Theory is all about the BRAIN! Bringing in this science-based view helps us understand what’s physically and chemically going on in our brains – especially when we’re stressed or even unconsciously triggered.
Beyond just being very cool, understanding neuroscience lets us find effective ways to regain calm and remain engaged even when things are difficult.
When You Work With Me, You Will...
● Learn to live the life YOU desire.
Step outside the box and discover what works for you and your unique relationships - romantic and otherwise.
● Feel understood and accepted.
You’ll learn to uncover the layers of who you are with curiosity and without shame.
● Gain confidence in yourself.
You’ll leave therapy with confidence in your skills, your strengths, and your ability to handle the hard parts of life.
● NOT get a cookie-cutter approach.
You’ll never hear stale platitudes or annoying cliches from me (okay, maybe a cheesy cliché here and there, but only if the mood is right!) .
Redefine Your Relationship to Yourself First.
The heart of my practice stems from my core belief that each person is a unique human being, and that embracing each of our differences is what ultimately brings us closer together.
That’s a large part of what led me to get additional training in working with neurodiverse clients, and to approach therapy through a lens of differences being something to celebrate, not to squash.
Neurodiverse or not, I firmly believe relationships are most healthy and fulfilling when each partner on their own has the capacity to:
Address sensitivities or conflicts in a way that’s respectful to both parties
Listen to their partner’s truths without taking them personally
Regulate themselves even through strong reactions from their partner
Overcome the fear that being open and honest will collapse their relationship
While these are certainly pillars of any strong relationship – romantic or otherwise – they also require skills many of us never fully developed.
And just like any skill, these ones take intentional, thoughtful work.
The good news is, by learning these skills, you’re not just working on one relationship (as you do in couples therapy), you’re working on YOURSELF, the one thing you take into every single relationship you’ll have throughout your lifetime.
“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are.” -Brene Brown
My absolute passion is working with people like you – brave individuals who are audacious enough to want more out of life and are willing to roll up their sleeves and claim it.
Ready to reconnect with yourself and build authentic relationships in your life?
Shoot me a message to request an appointment.